Surprising revelations

It has been a rocky road on the Security Council: the delegates yesterday were unable to come to a resolution on the Chagos Islands Crisis, following a heated hour-long confrontation with an observer delegate from Mauritius, whom the delegates of the committee repeatedly accused of invading the Chagos Islands. News reports had identified at most the movement of Mauritius personnel some 2,000km away from the disputed islands. The council eventually accepted that the claims by Mauritius and the international media were genuine.

In a shock move, the delegate of the United States admitted to the extensive use of torture by his nation, claiming:’The US armed forces have the right to torture their own forces in the case of betrayal. This is our government. This is our affair.’ When pushed by the press, the delegate stood by his remarks. The delegate further threatened that the US would have their way in international affairs:’We will have the last word and Mauritius should consider that.”

Initial reports suggest a pending reprimand of the delegate by the US State Department, possibly reassigning the delegate to the hitherto unknown American consulate in Qassimiut, Greenland.

In a further surprising turn, the delegate of Jordan, on being called a ‘a puppet of the US’, admitted:’Obviously I am. It’s true.’

Heated, condemnatory debates have given way to promising signs of a committee coming together, with a resolution providing for a peacekeeping mission and the referral of the question of sovereignty to the ICJ pending approval by the committee.

As for the question of referral to the ICJ, Judge Laura, who was unavailable for comment, would probably have said:’It’s because we’re awesome.’ JH

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